My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
