She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
