Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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