the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
