How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
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this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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