I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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