help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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