Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
