So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
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Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can I color on your dick again?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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