he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
