youre lurking in front of me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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