Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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