I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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