Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
