i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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