my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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