Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
