it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
