After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
