it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
