Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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