I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
