The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
