i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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