So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
