He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
