I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
