My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
