There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
