im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
