i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The uberlube is also flammable
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
