I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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