i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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