His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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