Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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