Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
