Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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