I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize