I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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