Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
