I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
