I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
