he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
