Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your cock deserves a montage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
