There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
