just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
