Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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