We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
