they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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