I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
