You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's blow job season.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
