I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
