My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
