my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
