Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
