Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
