You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just cropdusted the office
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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