There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
