we're blogging at a bar
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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