So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
