hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
