So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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