the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
