A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
