You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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