im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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