mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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